Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Gettng it together

Emily's teacher and I, Miss Mary, have a word for the world Emily seems to enter when she gets "spacey" and unfocused and generally unfocused on the task at hand. At that point she has entered "Emily's world" and we're hard pressed to get her out of it until she's good and ready. The past two weeks I have been in "Emily's world" and I cannot for the life of me escape! I have realized that Christmas is only like, what 7 days away, and haven't planned any of the menus for Christmas Eve, Christmas breakfast or Christmas day, barely have finished shopping for everyone and am still unable to figure out what to get G, and feel generally out of it most days making me feel as if I have accomplished nothing.

When I worked, I could juggle 30+ cases, prioritize clients needs and wants, talk on the phone send emails and research all at once, likely jotting down a grocery list at the same time. Then I came home at night and did it all on the home front and got it all done and then some. Since being home, I feel like I have lost my ability to do all this, maybe because I have more time, certainly not more energy, and mostly because my day only consists of 4-5 constant "clients" who I can please with a funny story, a juice box and a cookie.

It's hard, to identify yourself for so long by your career, with everything else coming right a long behind it, and now, to identify myself as only wife/mom. Which I know technically entails more work being done than the later label of paralegal, but still.

I did however, accomplish the baking/making of Buckeyes, Carmel Corn, White Chocolate Peanut Pretzels, cut out cookies, and peanut brittle, as well as packaging in what I believe could be the cutest and creative packaging I have ever accomplished (anyone who knows me knows that I don't have an ounce of creativeness in my body!). Emily and I delivered them to our neighbors, a deed which she was so proud of. Thinking on that, I'd say maybe I did bust out of "Emily world" for a day or two.

Anyway, today, if you will note, is Wednesday, and my wine is waiting, but G has to work, so I'll need to transfer the friend to whine with me - though thinking now, there really isn't so much to whine about ;-)


Wednesday, December 10, 2008


I just wanted to put a thought out there quickly...

As G wrestles with the kids in the bath, I am downstairs listening to Avery (one I babysit, not one I gave birth to!) talk to himself as he plays, and I am preparing to go to Whine (Wine) Wednesday (wherein we sit, drink and whine about anything and everything!!!) at my friend Mary's house, I just keep thinking how damned blessed we are (those two words go well together... sheesh!) with everything we have. I see so many families struggling to make it, so many friends I know personally who have lost their house, jobs, life savings, etc. and realize that while my own family has definitely had its struggles and cut backs, we have been relatively untouched by all of the things going wrong all around us. I'd like to think that we have a lot to do with it, which in part, we have, but I also sometimes just think we are extremely lucky. I am not one and have never been one to put faith in anything but myself, and I'm not someone to rely on the kindness and "gifts" of another. I believe in God, but not the way most people do, and a part of me is just I'm waiting for it to come crashing in, but I know that if it does, we'll make it through.

Monday, December 8, 2008

It's been a while

So it has been a while - I neglected this thing for a few errr, many months.

Once in the midst of spring, we are now entering the cold of winter and not too much has changed. I got through Emily's birthday, and her turning 5 wasn't too bad. We have tons of friends come and celebrate with us and though I've been meaning to, I haven't sent thank you cards (that was back in September). So hopefully everyone knows I'm thankful to them. I'd post some pictures but they are on my lap top, which is officially dead for now. I need to buy another power cord but they are so damned expensive. I've got one in WV, but just haven't been there lately to get it.

Anyway, hopefully someone will link me to the pictures taken this weekend of the Christmas party we hosted for the neighborhood families and the kids. It was a great turn out, and though I was not the creative genius behind most of it, I still felt quite a bit of accomplishment. I used to loose my mind when having to host these types of things, and my terrible overwhelming urge to clean up behind everyone left me having no fun at all. But lately I actually left the mess until THE NEXT DAY and went out with my friend Sara for drinks and socializing while we left the men here with the kids and the mess! It all got cleaned up (by Sunday evening!) and I had such fun catching up with our friends and neighbors. We are very lucky to live next to such great families. Our kids with have good friends to grow up with - so long as no one moves too soon!

I'm going to try to keep up on this thing so that family, friends etc. and keep up with me, the kiddos, and oh yes, my husband G ;-) We'll see how it goes, but maybe since we're stuck inside most days I'll have more time to post.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

edited reality

I had lunch today with one of my friends whom I haven't seen in a while. We've been friends since senior year in high school, and if anyone would have told me that we would still be friends into our late 2o's and almost 30's, I wouldn't have believed them. She just went through - well, actually still going through - a divorce, and it has actually taken it's toll on G and I to. Her husband was G's friend in high school and college, and that's how we met. The 4 of us were great friends, moved to the same town, got married, had kids the whole nine. When their marriage fell apart, I got stuck in the middle, as I always do, and, long story short, the four of us split in half. So anyway, they have both gone onto date seriously other people, which is fine, but I don't think anyone is telling the whole story.

I don't think anyone communicates fully with anyone anymore. Even now, as I type, I am holding back certain information. I wish there was no reason to edit anything - thoughts, feelings, likes, dislikes, - just let it all out. But there is no possibility of this.

So friend and I were having lunch today, and I felt like she was holding back, not saying what she wanted to, and not opening up about what was really going on. I felt the same way.

When did it all change? When did it become uncomfortable to speak the truth?

Saturday, April 5, 2008


So my son's 3rd birthday party was today. G and I went out last night and lets just say that the thought of turning down another drink never crossed my mind. So i dragged myself out of bed at 10 a.m., pretty sure I was still tipsy at that point, and faced the day. I had shopping to do, decorations to put up, balloons to buy. I felt (feel) completely awful, but I made it through. G's parents showed up with the kids at about noon, and my mom showed up shortly after. Hamburgers were had, cake was eaten, all and all a good afternoon.

For whatever reason Jake turning 3 has been difficult for me. My little guy is growing up so fast, it's painful sometimes. There are so many things I can't remember - things I thought I would never forget, and as time passes, it seems like its all just one really long day. Emily turning 5 will be heart wrentching. I try to imagine what things will be like when they are older, how I will help them deal with the things I know life will inevitably throw at them. How I will be able to raise them to be good people in this mostly horrible world. It's a grim outlook, but it's real.

For now, getting through the temper tantrums, the negotiating and compromise, the melt downs and time-out's is tough enough. I just hope we all make it out alive.


So I have never blogged before. I read them. I'm not really sure what to write - generally I feel like I don't have a ton to say - however, I am sure that will change.