Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Gettng it together

Emily's teacher and I, Miss Mary, have a word for the world Emily seems to enter when she gets "spacey" and unfocused and generally unfocused on the task at hand. At that point she has entered "Emily's world" and we're hard pressed to get her out of it until she's good and ready. The past two weeks I have been in "Emily's world" and I cannot for the life of me escape! I have realized that Christmas is only like, what 7 days away, and haven't planned any of the menus for Christmas Eve, Christmas breakfast or Christmas day, barely have finished shopping for everyone and am still unable to figure out what to get G, and feel generally out of it most days making me feel as if I have accomplished nothing.

When I worked, I could juggle 30+ cases, prioritize clients needs and wants, talk on the phone send emails and research all at once, likely jotting down a grocery list at the same time. Then I came home at night and did it all on the home front and got it all done and then some. Since being home, I feel like I have lost my ability to do all this, maybe because I have more time, certainly not more energy, and mostly because my day only consists of 4-5 constant "clients" who I can please with a funny story, a juice box and a cookie.

It's hard, to identify yourself for so long by your career, with everything else coming right a long behind it, and now, to identify myself as only wife/mom. Which I know technically entails more work being done than the later label of paralegal, but still.

I did however, accomplish the baking/making of Buckeyes, Carmel Corn, White Chocolate Peanut Pretzels, cut out cookies, and peanut brittle, as well as packaging in what I believe could be the cutest and creative packaging I have ever accomplished (anyone who knows me knows that I don't have an ounce of creativeness in my body!). Emily and I delivered them to our neighbors, a deed which she was so proud of. Thinking on that, I'd say maybe I did bust out of "Emily world" for a day or two.

Anyway, today, if you will note, is Wednesday, and my wine is waiting, but G has to work, so I'll need to transfer the friend to whine with me - though thinking now, there really isn't so much to whine about ;-)



Kelly said...

I have to say that from afar, you give off the impression of having it together. I was SO impressed when y'all popped down with the bag o' Christmas treats because, at the time, I hadn't even begun to THINK about making cookies! You seemed so ahead of the game to me...and in a lot of ways you were! Every year I "think" I'm going to be neighborly and take cookies around and every year it doesn't happen....I need to refocus my priorities! I can imagine it was SUPER special to Emily...what a valuable life exprience!!!

I believe that it is because at work (outside of our homes) our tasks are set out in such a formalized process...dictated by a schedule in their very nature...that we can accomplish so much more on a regular basis in the office. It is when we are at home and we are only answering to ourselves that we losen that time schedule and things get kina mucked up from time to time. I guess for me I always figure that in order to be on my toes as wife and mother, sometimes I just have to ZONE-OUT during the quiet moments and ignore the laundry the cleaning, the planning...and then find myself making up for it at 2:00am while I'm trying to catch up.

I guess my point is, that I've come to find over the years that while I feel a bit more disorganized in my task master skills in reality our tasks are so broad as a mother and wife that even when we feel like we are doing nothing we could be inspiring the kids to something great...the laundry can wait....not forever...but for a bit.

I know I am basically just agreeing to what you said, but I too go through the strange struggle to which you are I thought I'd ramble on in my own foggy way!

Miranda said...

Thank you, Kelly, for making me feel not so alone in my feelings. I appreciate it more than you know.