I have been feeling like the proverbial "negative nancy" lately. Feeling sorry for myself, my situation, blah, blah, blah. I should be kicked for feeling that way. Ex. 1. Friend who has children with multiple developmental problems and as I read about her daily struggles, it makes me realize how fortunate I am to have two healthy children. Ex. 2. Friend who's husband's best friend had a massive stroke. He has two small children. How can I complain about G when he is healthy, hard working, a great father, and has been trying ever so hard lately to make me happy? Ex. 3. Anyone and everyone I know who can't find work. I chose to come back to work. Not because I had to. Because I wanted to. I knew it would be tight financially because of the full time daycare needed in the summer. I know the cost will go down in two months. We have two incomes when some families are struggling to find just one.
Someone should seriously put me in my place.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I'm truly, truly over it. The more we try, the more we seem to fail. Financially, emotionally, physically, mentally. I feel like my marriage is in shambles. The more I try to revamp my priorities, I become side tracked. Not necessarily on purpose. Well, maybe on purpose. I find it easier to deal with other things rather than those closest to my heart. My return to work has been a lot harder than I thought, especially now that the kids are out of school for the summer. Friends who I thought were friends I am finding out only used me and never really were true. Then there are the "fair weather" friends. God forbid I need a favor. God forbid I ask you to stick around with me. I miss my real friends. Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult, and maintain friendships that were so dear to me before real life kicked in? Why can't I stop myself from trying to please everyone even though I'm really not a "people pleaser" and neglect to please those who I really should be pleasing. Does that even make sense? I feel so completely and totally inadequate in everything. I can't even sleep or eat correctly. Gigantic FAIL in life right now.