Tuesday, November 3, 2009


So I am heading to Alabama. I say I am going alone, however I am going with my mother and sister in-law. So, to me that is mostly alone. I plan on being plugged into my mp3 player and journaling during the 11 hour car ride. I will not be able to smoke, and there will be very little by way of alcohol refreshment going on, so apparently we will see how my body functions without these two additives for 5 whole days. G will be heading the household and attending to the babysitting kids. I am very worried about the state my house will be in when I return, however, I'm really trying hard to block it out. I have a lot to think about, and I am sure that this is what the doc ordered.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

“It's getting to the point where I am no fun anymore, I am sorry. Sometimes it hurts so badly I must cry out loud, ' I am lonely.' I am yours, you are mine, you are what you are, you make it hard.”

Monday, February 16, 2009


okay, I guess being 29 isn't that bad. I did have a great time with my friends on the 6th to have dinner and dancing. but I'm still not happy about it, but apparently there isn't a damn thing I can do about it!

Amanda, April, Me Me and Pineapple! Me and Rhiannon!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

My Birthday

So today is my birthday. My 29th birthday. Wow, I can't believe I said it out loud. I don't know why, but I am not handling this well. I know that I have done so much, achieved so much, grown so much but for some reason I don't feel as if anything I have done has made any kind of difference, and I feel very much like I am behind. And that I have missed out on a ton of things. It's weird. To be this old. I remember when I was 5 and couldn't wait until I was 10. When I was 10 I was dying to be 13. When I hit 13 I wanted to be 16, and when I was 16 I wanted to be 18. Not that I am 29, it feels like I have accomplished most of what I set out to accomplish in the beginning, and there's not a whole lot left for me to do. Perhaps it time to set new goals, and to accomplish new things. But really I think I'm too lazy...

Sunday, February 1, 2009

My Kids, part two...

Hunter Jacob. We call him Jake. He is my guy. So hilarious, such a little bad ass! He's got my red hair, my Irish temper, and a charm that could knock your socks off (he gets that from G)!!!

It's a real bitch having a sister who dresses you up!!

He has a new talent for throwing fits, throwing anything he can get his hands on, and dressing up like Spiderman. He committed his first "murder" at age 3, when he threw Emily's hamster up into the ceiling fan, catapulting the poor thing down the hall and bring about his untimely death. He was known as the "hamster killer" for a while before I had to explain to Emily that it's not necessarily a good nickname to be saddled with so early on...

Jake also has "Jake babies" which have been in his belly, growing, eating, and taking the blame for all of the bad behavior over the last year. Just ask him. "Jake, what's in your belly?" Jake: my babies. "What kind of babies?" Jake: Jake babies. "How many are there?" Jake: 3. And they are going to pop out of my belly. "When?" Jake: When they are ready. Emily is very discouraged because these so called babies have not popped out yet, and the fact that boys can't have babies.

This is Jake's ear piercing sequence. (I didn't actually pierce his ears, but the girls at Claire's humored him, and I got a ton of disgusted looks at the mall, which i enjoyed immensely!) He insisted that he get his ears pierced too, and after picking out a magnetic fake diamond that looked HUGE on his little ear, he proudly got pierced. He even flinched when she "pierced" him.

You want to talk about laughing until you pee yourself, let me just tell you!

He is a character. To say the least! Jake, you are going to be a heartthrob when you grow up and I love you sooooo much. You'll always be my boy.

My Kids

This post is all about my kids. They are awesome. They drive me crazy sometimes... okay, a lot, but they are awesome.

This is my Pete when she was about 5 months old. She didn't have any hair until she was about 2, so I used to scotch tape bows to her head! She now has a full head of hair that I threaten to cut every day because she cries when I brush it. She is so much like me it is scary. I wished for a strong, independent girl, and wow did I get my wish. I can see her having a rough go at life and I just hope I am prepared to help her to handle that. I can already see that she has a different view on things than most other kids and tends to be a little bit of a pariah when she is in a group of kids. I was the same way. It's a hard way to be.

This is the ear piercing sequence. She was quite content holding that mouse, and let us mark and
remark her ears several times. But as you see, she began to get a little worried...

And then...

Holy crap what the hell are you doing to me????

Incidentally, she has recently taken those earrings out. She wouldn't let me clean them. So, I took them out and she wouldn't let me put them back in. Strong will.

Ahhh, the 5th birthday. The one i swore she would never make it to. But she did, and so did I, amazingly enough. She is beginning to be more cooperative, and I am trying very hard not to treat her the way I was treated as a child. I refused to go along with the flow if it interrupted my life, and in the process was told a lot that things were my fault and I "ruined it" for everyone. I think there was a better way to teach me the those life lessons, and I have vowed to do that with her. So cheers to you Pete, I love you more than words, and I am so glad you are the way you are. Don't ever, ever, feel bad for it.


Thursday, January 29, 2009

Getting there - a day at a time...

So let's see, the start of the new year wasn't the greatest for me. Since the whole infidelity thing came out into the open, I am very happy to say that the two said friends are working on their life together and it seems that things are looking up for them. I don't know anything, however, because male spouse hates me and female spouse/friend hasn't really talked to me much since said infidelity disclosure. I understand that they are trying to quietly work things out between each other, I get it. But it makes me feel as if I have served my purpose and am no longer needed or wanted. I invited female spouse/friend for drinks one day last week, and she couldn't go, was tired, etc. I understand. She said she would offer her front porch, but it was too cold. Weeks ago I was a regular invited guest into her home, but I guess that is no more. It's very sad, and for me, seems to be a regular occurrence in my friendships. Serve my purpose, get the hell out. We have been out to our favorite watering hole the past two Fridays where male and female spouses were also there (though previously we all went together and their daughter would babysit for us) and it was very, very tense. It just sucks. That's really the only way I can explain it. It just sucks.

As for the rest of January, I have begun to work out twice a day at least 5 days per week and of course haven't dropped a pound. Oh well, It gives me a break from the kids, and a way to work out frustrations.

I went to Akron a few weeks ago with two of my friends from back home (Canton). We had a great time, something I really needed, and I think we have a plan in the works to go to Vegas or California this July. Just what the doctor ordered.
Me, Renee, & Rhiannon (In Cleveland in November for NKOTB!!)

Rhiannon & Me at the club in Akron.

So also with the start of January, came the snow, recently the 12 inches that fell on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week. I was house bound all day yesterday and broke out the 4 wheel drive last night to go to the gym. G was called out of town (surprise, surprise) for at least a week, so I'm stuck inside with the kids. Thank god for the gym! I hate snow, especially when it starts to melt, turns to slush, mud, etc. Blach. Give me Autumn, and I'd be happy. But I suppose we have seasons for a purpose, much like everything else.

I have (well, G and I) also decided to try for another baby this year before Emily and Jake get too much older. So back on clomid I go, so we'll see what happens. We've actually been at it since last year, but nothing, hence the clomid. I'm sure that my stress hasn't helped much either, but hopefully we'll get there. I'd love to have two more back to back, so each kid has a buddy close in age, but we'll see. I don't want to live in a shoe box either, so maybe just one more ;-)

I think that's it. For now.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Kicking off the New Year

I am sitting, tired as all get out, at my in-laws house on January 1, 2000 freaking 9. We had a party last night at our house, and it went really well. My old co-workers came, their friends, and we had a great time. Drank champagne and rang in the new year. Two of our friends didn't make it over until well after the ball dropped. I was a little upset, as we are particularly close with these two friends and I had looked forward to spending time with them... but I digress.

In as few words as possible, I will try to explain why this year, hands down has taken the cake as the worst new years ever. Cheating. Lying. Rock ME Hard Place. I had to break the news to one of my very good friends that their spouse was cheating. It was awful. Terrible. There are not words to describe. And I can't even really talk about it anymore, because I don't know what else to do or say to anyone anymore. I'm just sick about the whole situation, and how it all went down.

Welcome to 2009.